Paris Hilton has a cooking show on Netflix called Cooking with Paris, and it’s – in part – everything you think it would be: a champagne cocktail with a fragrant foam haze and overdone glamor that’s more curious than determined. If you think you could never take Paris Hilton seriously in the kitchen, then neither could she; that’s part of the charm of the show.
The heiress to the Hilton hotel empire and Hollywood socialite is simply going away, which is her own word coined for killing in her lifetime. We should all sliv over.
First for a little background: Yes, Hilton has never had to work a real day in her life. She just seems to be living her best life in her smooth, fabulous skin. Most. And most this is where the nuance is here.
Hilton is not all that is obvious. As a teenager, she was literally taken in the middle of the night by strangers, on the orders of her ultra-strict parents, to a “boarding school” where she did not see the light of day for 11 months.
Earlier this year, she spoke at a committee hearing at the Utah State Capitol in Salt Lake City, urging lawmakers to pass laws protecting teens from the type of treatment she suffered at these schools:
“I was forced to take medication that made me numb and exhausted. I didn’t breathe fresh air or see sunlight for 11 months. There was no privacy. Every time I did. ‘Going to the bathroom or taking a shower, it was monitored. At 16 – when I was a child – I felt their piercing eyes stare at my naked body. I was just a child and I felt violated every day.
“I’m proof that money doesn’t protect against abuse,” Hilton told the committee.
One of his worst memories was isolation.
“This little room covered in scratches and bloodstains without a bathroom is one of the most vivid and traumatic memories I have ever had in my entire life,” Hilton told the committee.
The abuse and the fact that it was at her parents’ discretion should allow for lifelong therapy. With that on a low heat on the back burner, let’s take a look at the holiday feast episode where Hilton cleaned, buttered, stuffed and roasted a turkey. It is at times a laughing comedy and, again, charming in a harmless and endearing way.
Part of the show’s theme is that Hilton wants to start a family soon. So she invites a friend over and they cook a meal. She gets used to dinner parties at home while wearing flowing designer dresses and heels. The recipes are all handwritten in a large dazzled album using different colored markers for each step.
“It’s crazy. Who invented stuffing a turkey’s ass with fruits and vegetables? Someone who’s a huge pervert. – Paris Hilton
“Taco Night with Saweetie” had plenty of margaritas and an impressive custard-top cake, all made with Hilton walking around the kitchen in high heels, never even slightly disturbed by any incident.
Kim Kardashian came in another episode to cook up a brunch that included Frosted Flakes French toast and sparkling homemade marshmallows. Yes, everything is silly and the chefs are probably losing their minds watching it, but it’s fun. Hilton has an intelligent personality and wields light authority because… well because she can.
When Hilton first buys her bird from the butcher for her holiday feast, she immediately wants to run away: a raw turkey is too close to herself. Alas, she brings it home and drops it in the sink where she enters the bird’s cavity to retrieve the neck, which she thinks is a penis. Then she takes out the bag of offal with a light gag.
When someone off-camera tells Hilton to rinse the bird off, she grabs a water bottle from the counter and pours it over the turkey, while a caption tells viewers, thankfully, that the tap water is working. also. She pulls the turkey out of the sink as if taking a smelly baby out of a bath, throws it on the counter and dries it off within arms length before saying, “That covers everything except therapy.” . ”
Next, Hilton adds a dry brine which she says is like “massaging a filthy, hairy fat guy.” (More gagging.) While stuffing the bird, Hilton offers, “This is crazy. Who invented stuffing a turkey’s ass with fruits and vegetables? Someone who is a huge pervert.
At one point, Hilton is told to add a cup and a half of white wine to the bottom of the roasting pan and instead she pours the entire bottle so that her turkey is “lit”. Later, when a timer goes off, she jokes, “Check that female dog” and uses the verb “to brown” as opposed to roasting.
Dinner turns out to be a wonderfully styled and sparkly feast for her and three social media influencers. They are asked if they should say grace before the meal. Hilton nods subtly and with a slight smile says, “I pray this food is hot.” [Pause.] I love that. [Pause.] Amen.”
And the other three say amen because in true Paris Hilton fashion, it’s the best, most ridiculous prayer ever.
Sliv in this holiday season.