A A few years ago, Mark Wahlberg was posting his Daily Routine, and it was terribly stupid. Wake up at 2:30, half an hour of prayers, two training sessions, three hours of meetings, one hour in a cryogenic chamber and bedtime at half past seven. It was absurd.
Fortunately, this is also a thing of the past. There comes a point in Wahl Street, a new documentary series that has been pointedly crafted to showcase Mark Wahlberg’s unstoppable flair for business, where he is slumped against a table with the world’s most failed beard clinging to his face. . The pandemic has been raging for months and all of its investments have started to plummet precipitously. In a flat and distant voice, Wahlberg tells us that he doesn’t get up much before 9:30 a.m. Turns out Mark Wahlberg is human after all.
Make no mistake, the idea of Wahl Street is terrible. It was designed to be a parade of Trump-level self-righteousness. At the start of the first episode, Wahlberg is in his car, emphasizing the value of his participation in a gym franchise opportunity. The car stops and Wahlberg comes out to attend the premiere of his new movie. The show wants to show what machine Mark Wahlberg is, what tidal wave of multidisciplinary success he rides. It has a gym chain, clothing line, burger chain, nutrition brand, bottled water business, two production companies, and an automotive group. Everything he touches turns to gold. He is Mark Wahlberg, more a God than a man.
If the show had gone as planned, Wahl Street would have been truly impossible to watch. It would have been a flat, empty succession of private jets and high ceilings. It would have been Entourage with inexplicably fewer jokes. But then Covid hits and forces the whole series to derail.
Suddenly, as his obnoxious becomes intolerably overfed, Mark Wahlberg is forced to take a shovel of humility in the face. His films stop production. All branches of Wahlburgers are closing. Investors cut funds for his clothing line. Its gymnasiums are becoming wasteland. And this is the guy whose house has a wrap around golf course, so people start looking for money from his house. Suddenly he’s as limp and listless as everyone else in the world. In a second, the show’s message changes from “Mark Wahlberg is a One-Time Entrepreneur in a Generation” to “Here are all the terrible things that happen when you overdo it financially.” “
Still, despite the abysmal nature of the second half of the season, it’s nice to know that a once-in-a-century global pandemic can only distinguish part of the ridiculousness inherent in Mark Wahlberg. If I told you that Mark Wahlberg spent part of his confinement having Zoom meetings with a Greek Orthodox priest (who is also a hedge fund manager) over the warmth of their respective wives, you would believe me. If I told you that Mark Wahlberg spent part of his confinement pitching a TV series called RV There Yet to executives, apparently just seconds after hearing about it for the first time, before turning it all into an advertisement for the RV dealership he apparently operates in Ohio, you’d believe me. If I told you that Mark Wahlberg spent part of his confinement teaching his daughter about the world of work, and his daughter is starting to make and sell hobby horses, and he’s quickly ramping it up into a thousand dollar business. per day that counts the Kardashians as customers, you would believe me sadly.
However, Wahl Street doesn’t bring us any closer to knowing who Mark Wahlberg really is. He doesn’t devote enough time to his daily job to be a critically acclaimed actor. He’s too humorless to be an ironic Nic Cage diversion. He doesn’t seem particularly nice. If Wahl Street tells us anything about this man, it is that he is a growth capitalist at all costs and nothing more. It’s Ray Kroc with a six pack.
The series ends at some kind of crossroads, as Wahlberg examines his ragged business and wonders where to go next. But don’t feel too bad for him. The final episode contains a full, uncut commercial for his clothing line. And the series, after all, was produced by his own production company. Mark Wahlberg is not going anywhere. But hey, it’s really fun to watch him get beaten up a bit.